I have been out of commission for the last two weeks. I came back from Florida feeling awful. I was exhausted, had a horrible cough and headache. My head felt like a bowling ball on top of my body. To my surprise I didn't have Covid, but this was like nothing I could recall feeling before. I couldn't shake it and literally just gave into it. I stayed in bed binge watching The Crown. I struggled to have enough focus to read and ended up passing time staring at screens. With each passing day I felt worse and before I knew it, not only was I sick but pretty depressed as well.
Which got me thinking. . .
Why am I so sick? Why is my body reacting so differently?
My first thought was that this was yet another perk of getting old. "They" say you just can't shake off a bad cold the way you used to once you hit a certain age. I went along with this thinking for a several days and continued to feel like crap. Then I questioned my thinking and the general thoughts about aging and wellness. What if being older had no more to do with how my body was fighting this cold than my mindset. Maybe the reason I was able to fight off a cold more quickly when I was because I didn't think I had a choice. I had a job, children, husband, pets, etc. that needed me. So in my mind I didn't have time to "give in" to it, so I didn't.
I am not saying that I made myself sick or that I had control over the duration of this cold. I was sick. I felt awful. I had no control over that. What I am saying is my approach and mindset was different that in the past and maybe that was the difference rather than my age. There seem to be some themes that the universe is repeatedly putting in front of me through different experiences and conversations. "They" say that the universe is constantly trying to communicate with you in both subtle and obvious ways. It is up to you to pay attention and interpret those messages. I am trying to pay attention and here is what I have come up with so far for 2024:
Question your thinking.
Question what "they" say.
Question what you have been taught.
Don't give in. Fight for yourself and your health; both mental and physical.
It has been a turbulent start to 2024. I was not raised to question anyone but myself. I am a caregiver by nature. If I am if I am interpreting correctly it is time to listen to myself a little more and others a little less. Question myself a little less and others a little more. And, extend the same care-giving I give to others to myself.
Those are my thoughts for this week. I hope they have a positive impact on you. If you are are interested in chatting head over to The Coffee Clutch and join the conversation.
What I've Been Reading
I didn't get a lot of reading done while I was sick, but I did manage to finish this one. I don't know where to begin with this book so I am going to begin with the blurb on the inside cover.
"When Jack and Elizabeth meet as college students in the nineties, the two quickly join forces and hold on tight, each eager to claim a place in Chicago's thriving underground art scene with an appreciative kindred spirit. Fast-forward twenty years, and now they're grappling with the routines of married life, the challenges of parenting, and the indignities of aging-not to mention cults of positive thinking, polyamorous would-be suitors, Facebook trolls, NIMBY protests, and something called Love Potion Number Nine."
Sounds both intriguing and interesting, which it was, but it was not at all what I expected. I honestly feel like I need to go back to all the people I recommended this book to and add another descriptive. . . depressing. I don't want to tell people not to read it, just give them fair warning of what they are getting into. This book touches on so much of the human experience; marriage, childhood, parenting, generational trauma, honesty, dreams, family, individuality, mental health, money, friendship and belonging. As my kids would say, it's A Lot! It is a good book and I enjoyed the writing. I loved the way the author sprinkled in science and psychology. There is actually a lengthy bibliography at the end! Remember, this is a work of fiction. It was interesting and thought provoking, but it did not leave me feeling empowered or happy, much the opposite. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows and I guess my bookshelf should not be either. It is how we grow!
What I Have Been Listening To
I love audio books for when I am doing something that requires my hands but not all of my brain! I was never a mystery/thriller person until I started listening to audiobooks. They can make a day of cleaning house fly by for me!
I have finished None Of This Is True by Lisa Jewell was a good one.
Alix and Josie meet randomly at a pub when they are both celebrating their 45th birthdays. Josie introduces herself as Alix's birthday twin. After another "chance" meeting Josie suggests that she might be an interesting subject for Alix's podcast.
Although Josie seems a little odd Alix suggests a new podcast, "I'm Your Birthday Twin."
As Josie lays out her very complicated and unusual life Alix begins to regret getting involved in her story. She has enough to deal with in her own home. Once there lives have intersected it is too late to walk away. Their stories will forever be intertwined.